2021…

So I’d like to start off by saying this post could be triggering to some. It’s about a very difficult situation I went through recently. I need to share to help me deal with these emotions.

TW: loss of child/knife play/language

In the middle of February, I discovered that I had gotten pregnant for the second time. I made lifestyle changes, even though having a toddler during this pregnancy was tough. My boyfriend was unsure about this baby. He never said it to me directly but I know in the way he spoke to me about my pregnancy. I wanted this baby, and I was excited to give my son a sibling. My family was very supportive snd excited alongside with me. My Mother and Father love children. My sister was also excited for me as well.

One night, at the end of March, I had my worst fear come true. I was bleeding. I wasn’t even 20 weeks yet. I knew what had happened bud I needed the confirmation from doctors. I got my Father to come take care of my son for me while I was waiting in the hospital.

In my province, health care is stretched thin thanks to covid. I waited a long time, about six hours, for a doctor. There was a indigenous gentleman who came in behind me. The security guards were harassing him, but didn’t ask if I was okay. The way they were treating this gentleman was not okay, and thankfully they left him alone because I was going to say something. This man was doing nothing wrong.

The nurses were not taking me seriously. I was in pain, and I kept bleeding profusely. It wasn’t stopping. I eventually went in to see the doctor, got some medication and was discharged. I went home that night and cried in my room. My parents took my son because I had a very emotional day. I’m forever greatly for their help.

So the next day, my Mother wants to take me shopping. We arrive at the mall and I noticed a girl who I’ve had issues with in the past. This girl had threatened to stab me next time she seen me in public. Me being myself, I laughed and contacted the police JUST INCASE. Better safe than sorry. I turned to my Mom and explained the situation.

This girl didn’t notice me till I passed. My Mom and I continued our shopping. We exit a store, and she asks me to grab her some water. I run to a little convenience store just around the corner. On my way back I spot her down the mall. She picked up her pace. I was not mentally sound and should have ignored her, but as she walked passed me I looked her dead in the eyes and said “Fuck you”.

Instead of her ignoring me, she proceeds to walk away, turn around, and come directly at me and my Mom. I stared her down as she approached. I watched her flick her wrists, and heard the click of the blade. I looked her dead in the eyes and proceeded to say

Oh?! You going to stab me bitch? Huh? Come do it then! Come fucking stab me you fucking pussy! Come do it!

A quote from me amidst a mental breakdown

My Mom stuck out her arm to stop me because I was going to lunge. I wanted to take these emotions if loosing my baby out on this girl. That’s not okay. I know it’s not okay, but for some reason all logic disappeared. I felt like me, my consciousness, was ripped from the divers seat of my body, and someone else hopped in. It was a surreal experience. She seen the anger in my eyes, turned and ran.

That’s right, you run you fucking pussy!

Another quote from me, after mental breakdown in a public place

As she turned and ran, I ran after her. She knew I was coming for her, and she ducked out of a side exit. I remember my Mom screaming for help. I feel terrible because I felt like my issues with my life put her in that position. Thankfully mall security came, and notified police. She was caught off of the property with the knife still.

We were hauled into mall security. I called my Dad and my sons father. I’m glad he was watching our son the next day. I’m not sure what I would have done had my son been involved. Then we went down to the station for questioning. It was a long daunting process.

She was charged for possession of a weapon snd intent to cause harm with a weapon. There has been no verdict thay I know of put into place yet, but I do know she appeared at her court date. Im in contact with victim services about therapy.

I don’t think it’s fair that I don’t get to be comfortable in my home anymore. Even in my neighbourhood. It’s a small city, so you do run into people. I’m afraid that I will snap on her again, ans get myself into trouble. But I have to remind myself it’s not worth it. I’m thankful for my son, as he keeps me on the strident and narrow every day.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. It was not fun reliving these memories but I needed to get them out. I’m thankful that no one got hurt, and that she got caught. I laughed when I heard that. I’m thankful for the people who helped us that day too.